Parenting in Stepfamilies by Gladys Lan Tak Lam-Chan

Author:Gladys Lan Tak Lam-Chan [Lam-Chan, Gladys Lan Tak]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, Sociology, General
ISBN: 9780429830068
Google: squbDwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Routledge
Published: 2018-08-13T04:45:37+00:00

The Difficulties of Stepparenting and Stepfamilies and the Formation of Perceptions

As pointed out by Fiske & Taylor (1984), people need to cognitively organize their view of the world. While categorizing the input of the information we obtain and by scanning our observations, we are involved in the processes of selection, passing judgment and discrimination. Attitudes are a demonstration of how people perceive things and people. In the following reports, the difficulties in stepparenting and stepfamilies which were perceived by the teachers and social workers will be presented. The formation of their perceptions will also be reported. These will help us understand why certain attitudes are held by those professionals and how these have affected their views of the difficulties in stepfamilies and the kinds of help they need.

Problems affected by loss and change: stepchildren need help to deal with their feelings of loss and they are ambivalent about their identity The teachers and social workers felt that difficulties in stepparenting and stepfamilies were affected by whether stepfamily members had come to terms with feelings arising from their past experiences and whether the biological parents had helped their children in the adjustment to their new families.

A teacher felt that children were not properly told about their parents' divorce and that affected their adjustment into the stepfamily. She said:

If they are young when they enter a stepfamily, it is difficult for them to accept the reality and to tell their friends — how do they tell them that 'this is not my mother but she lives with me. That is not my father but he lives with me!'? How can the child face his/her friends? I think his/her self-esteem will be influenced. The child would think that his/her parents divorced because of him/her. He/she would think that he/she is wrong and he/she caused that. (T01,7)

A male teacher told me that he knew a student who had emotional and behavioural problems because his mother had divorced and remarried and he had had to change his surname more than once:

The surname of the boy's father is Chan, and his mother's is Wong. After his father deserted the family, his mother changed the boy's surname to Wong. Later, his mother lived with a man and not long after that, they married. That man's surname is Lee. The boy's mother changed his surname to Lee. This lady did not have long-lasting relationship with her second husband and he left her. The mother then changed the boy's surname back to Wong again. The boy's surname has been changed so many times that the child is pitiful. (T03,4)

A male social worker also felt that stepchildren who were brought into a stepfamily because of their parents' remarriage were miserable. He said:

They hold the hands of their father or mother and go into a totally strange family; they will have identity problems and be confused. They had a surname from their last family, but, in order not to be seen as 'different' from the other children in the stepfamily, they have to change their surname to that of the new family.

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